I Can’t Avoid


There’s one thing that I wouldn’t be able to avoid, even if I say I don’t like it. I used to talk about it back then before I found the real Islam.

My eagerness to learn the real Islam exceeds everything else. I don’t feel like doing anything else. But then, Allah tests me. He makes me a good girl, I have no one other than my dad, big brother and small brother as only men in my life. And not to be forgotten, Allah grants me with abang here, although he’s not my real brother but I can call him brother in law as I am close to his wife. It was him and his wife who introduced me to the real Islam though.

When I found this real one Islam, I don’t have the feeling of wanting to make a boy as my husband. I am only thinking to learn (and it is beautiful to have that kind of thinking actually, got no disturbance of lovey-dovey things). If only anyone comes and would try to ask for my hand, I would give him my dad phone number and say “You can ask him.”

But after months, almost a year… Allah gives me a test.

I feel like I am old enough (soon to be 21, though, yet I call myself tua already). And my dad also starts to nag (it was long ago actually) as I don’t have any ‘friend’ to be introduced to him.

He is actually worried if I am restricting anyone to come near me. LOL

I am tough, I believe that. I don’t cry easily, except for problems arising for our dakwah…

But you know when the heart starts to feel like… it is… empty? I feel like I need someone to tell me you can do this, but you can’t do that… going shopping together… walk by each other side… raising the naughty lazy cat together…

You can feel the geli-geli now because I am also starting to geli-geli now.

I want only someone who I would listen to very well, who can tell me more about real Islam, can push me to do the dakwah, would help me to understand Quran much more better, can raise the kids together with me and I don’t want him to say yes all the time to me. It should be me who say yes to what he says.

May Allah grant me with one best husband soon.

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